a
sonnet...
I stand as I have
stood times once before
In the dream of reality of love
For beauty in thine eyes burns evermore
With desire unable to percieve of
As you lay before me in your grandeure
I see with heart what is denied by sight
This vision of beauty I have adored
And ached for to see me in a new light
As sure as I bleed, for you my heart pounds
And many a lonely tear has been cried
Dare I break the silence that has me bound
And confess the love I long have denied
By what means must I determine to choose
Risking the chance to love and also lose
all i want is
just a chance
nothing more
a chance to love him
to explore
the endless possibilities
of a kiss
each word he said fell from the sky
crashing around me
drawing tears to my eyes
each word he said slashed my heart
cutting deep into my flesh
as i fought falling apart
each word he said stole my breath
losing all hope
as i showed no weakness
each word he said crushed my dreams
my life fell to pieces
as my heart filled with screams
each word he said was only one
as i silenty suffered
he said goodbye before we begun
this pounding in my chest
i cannot catch my breath
there's no way i can speak
my lips are frozen dry
i cannot find my voice
as i begin to shiver
my nerves begin to tremble
as i begin to shake
my knees go weak
because you smiled at me
Passing by a crystal pane of glass,
I caught a glimpse of my picture-pefect past.
Moments of joy, love, and satisfaction,
Too foolish to supress my natural reaction.
Vivid memories seemd so clear.
Blurred only by a sea of joyous tears.
Reaching to caress the smooth glass pane,
Hand thrust forward sending slivers like rain.
Overcome by joy in such a rush.
Memories of the past I could finally touch.
Crushed by a perpetual wall of despair,
Acid tears fall as my hand clutches air.
Flesh now wounded and torn apart.
Shards of my life spattered with maroon art.
Aching to reach and grasp perfection,
Staring at what remained of my reflection.
i silently stood watching her cry
i had made the mistake of turning around
making me wish i hadn't said goodbye
or saw her body collapsed on the ground
i longed to comfort her and hold her hand
but i knew it was best to leave her behind
someday she would hopefully understand
i would always be with her in heart and mind
bravely i walked away and shut the door
because to survive I had to move on
i couldn't bear to watch my sorrow anymore
i left myself so i could be alone
All my hopes and dreams revolved around the sun.
Center of my Universe, you were The One.
A precious gem, my lone star in the darkest night,
Stirring feelings so strong they affected my sight.
I could feel the distant laughter of those around me.
The real you, is what they could see.
Taunting me when my back was turned,
While my love for you continously burned.
With the glare of your glorious spectrum of light,
I falied to see your true color -- black as night.
Just an innocent child, trusting and naive,
I saw no wrong, and in you I chose to believe.
Simply oblivious to the shadows in your eyes,
Trapped in your malicious comfinement of lies.
Comforted only because in my heart I hold the key...
And someday, somehow, I again will be free.
As the Darkness surrounds me
I reach to grasp its greedy palm
With its icy caress
I beg for my salvation
Shadows disappear with the light
As the Darkness invites the cold
To conquer all my fears
And encircle my broken soul
Frozen tears stain my cheeks
Crimson sorrow streaks my gown
Sharp razor slashes
Replaced with ecstasy profound
As I fade into a world of nothingness
Loneliness begins to grow
Love becomes an unthinkable dream
And silence replaces all hope
As I close my eyes for the last time
I see clearly what is too late to know
All the pain and darkness was in my mind
And the one whose touch was as cold as ice...
Was none other than my own
she hid behind her beaming smile
the darkness no one knew
showing laughter all the while
screaming inside was all she'd do
that sparkle in her eye
hid the shadows that remain
as she silently wished to die
just to escape the pain
observers saw nothing wrong
a perfect life; the perfect girl
each filled with joy and song
the sadness she endured
never saw the light of day
it was pushed deep within
it was of what her life was made
she longed to be seen
for some attention to be paid
as the lonelines flared
no one noticed
no one knew
no one cared
Quotes / Fav Expressions
This We Know
Chief Seattle
This we know.
The earth does not belong to man;
man belongs to the earth.
This we know.
All things are connected
like the blood that unites one family.
All things are connected.
Whatever befalls the earth befalls the son of earth.
This we know.
Man did not weave the web of life,
he is merely a strand in it.
Whatever he does to the the web,
he does to himself.
This we know.
\
Sometimes
The Carpenters
Sometimes not often enough, we reflect on the good things.
And those thoughs always center around those we love.
And I think about those people who mean so much to me.
And for so many years have made me so very happy.
And I count the times I have forgotten to say
Thank you, and just how much I love them.